You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize