This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
