Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
