She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
