I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
