I showed him my bush... on skype.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
