Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
