But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
