WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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