we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
