The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Randomize
