We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
