hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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