a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
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The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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