imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
