drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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