I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
In America we eat man semen.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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