if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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