I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
