I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
