Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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