I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
