I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
