I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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