I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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