Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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