3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
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It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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