just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
