this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
