I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
