yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
