Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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