my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I checked into jail on foursquare
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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