my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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