Nicole vs. Life
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
