Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
