Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
