ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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