you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
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8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
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I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me