I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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