Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.

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  (905): the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest. http://tfl.nu/4jgv
  Replies (30) Good night (1329) Bad night (4227)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you

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  (+44): You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you http://tfl.nu/o2s0
  Replies (10) Good night (1710) Bad night (3605)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...

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  (240): I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette... http://tfl.nu/tjl0
  Replies (17) Good night (1049) Bad night (4873)
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  (949): View more from California

  Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?

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  (949): Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk? http://tfl.nu/zd5j
  Replies (5) Good night (3476) Bad night (1034)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.

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  (240): Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present. http://tfl.nu/qzgl
  Replies (9) Good night (4467) Bad night (940)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll

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  (304): when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll http://tfl.nu/utzt
  Replies (9) Good night (3131) Bad night (1143)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I'm wearing red that night.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Noted, what shade?

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Whore.

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  (202): I'm wearing red that night. (301): Noted, what shade? (202): Whore. http://tfl.nu/7182
  Replies (9) Good night (3957) Bad night (890)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.

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  (704): Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second. http://tfl.nu/m6sh
  Replies (5) Good night (1027) Bad night (692)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.

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  (561): No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise. http://tfl.nu/h521
  Replies (8) Good night (1313) Bad night (663)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...

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  (270): What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me... http://tfl.nu/bzfn
  Replies (4) Good night (782) Bad night (443)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical

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  (478): I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical http://tfl.nu/tb5n
  Replies (2) Good night (757) Bad night (414)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.

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  (732): didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull. http://tfl.nu/3dne
  Replies (1) Good night (367) Bad night (702)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless

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  (330): dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless http://tfl.nu/pgmn
  Replies (7) Good night (592) Bad night (502)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?

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  (216): so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare? http://tfl.nu/vgfv
  Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (325)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man

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  (216): Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man http://tfl.nu/9c0c
  Replies (4) Good night (701) Bad night (290)

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