Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"