Texts From Last Night

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  (678): View more from Georgia

  There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.

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  (678): There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me. http://tfl.nu/i6y1
  Replies (53) Good night (4515) Bad night (772)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?

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  (502): Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here? http://tfl.nu/rbfc
  Replies (26) Good night (9075) Bad night (794)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she has to be all "alternative"

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  (203): she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head (203): she has to be all "alternative" http://tfl.nu/5hrz
  Replies (8) Good night (751) Bad night (3811)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay

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  (781): So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay http://tfl.nu/35ja
  Replies (11) Good night (4798) Bad night (1482)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.

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  (907): My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you. http://tfl.nu/6oks
  Replies (11) Good night (3348) Bad night (947)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place

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  (360): im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place http://tfl.nu/ws4h
  Replies (5) Good night (874) Bad night (2977)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company

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  (409): Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company http://tfl.nu/2763
  Replies (13) Good night (726) Bad night (2526)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.

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  (208): Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately. http://tfl.nu/dsn6
  Replies (2) Good night (1737) Bad night (1220)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.

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  (904): Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically. http://tfl.nu/529h
  Replies (6) Good night (1502) Bad night (835)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.

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  (727): I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy. http://tfl.nu/oiln
  Replies (8) Good night (3170) Bad night (760)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."

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  (402): You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated." http://tfl.nu/111j
  Replies (2) Good night (1269) Bad night (819)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".

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  (210): We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness". http://tfl.nu/kq4n
  Replies (5) Good night (832) Bad night (1306)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater

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  (434): You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater http://tfl.nu/8eoi
  Replies (6) Good night (884) Bad night (300)
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  (852): View more from

  Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.

  (852): View more from

  Never judge a man by his mustache.

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  (852): Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne. (852): Never judge a man by his mustache. http://tfl.nu/2yr6
  Replies (2) Good night (938) Bad night (322)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.

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  (406): That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol. http://tfl.nu/ierd
  Replies (1) Good night (520) Bad night (226)

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