Texts From Last Night

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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.

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  (615): The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/fkvx
  Replies (31) Good night (534) Bad night (4312)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?

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  (630): is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit? http://tfl.nu/3vh4
  Replies (107) Good night (968) Bad night (12983)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

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  (609): So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/c5bq
  Replies (36) Good night (9799) Bad night (846)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.

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  (803): He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex. http://tfl.nu/kpvm
  Replies (4) Good night (4629) Bad night (735)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense

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  (406): I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense http://tfl.nu/qajt
  Replies (48) Good night (5501) Bad night (1421)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...

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  (206): he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker... http://tfl.nu/z1il
  Replies (16) Good night (5146) Bad night (1172)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.

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  (678): All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know. http://tfl.nu/jvfd
  Replies (6) Good night (1265) Bad night (992)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.

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  (620): I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify. http://tfl.nu/e3b2
  Replies (4) Good night (1225) Bad night (664)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote

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  (406): I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote http://tfl.nu/6a7z
  Replies (5) Good night (1644) Bad night (740)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."

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  (970): He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park." http://tfl.nu/6eh6
  Replies (9) Good night (1166) Bad night (524)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window

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  (954): I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window http://tfl.nu/x5q3
  Replies (4) Good night (878) Bad night (387)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.

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  (479): The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel. http://tfl.nu/uzc1
  Replies (2) Good night (467) Bad night (255)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho

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  (978): I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho http://tfl.nu/p9zq
  Replies (4) Good night (327) Bad night (332)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Blow job season was short but glorious.

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  (214): Blow job season was short but glorious. http://tfl.nu/338e
  Replies (8) Good night (523) Bad night (250)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...

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  (306): he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing... http://tfl.nu/oqmo
  Replies (2) Good night (236) Bad night (635)

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