i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
