There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
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All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"