didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
