so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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