I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize