i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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