I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
