Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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