I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
