I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
