True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
