what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
