That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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