theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
