So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize