Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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